I used to just answer the phone and say hello!

Do I really need 78 buttons on my TV remote? Oprah is on Channel 5!

Remember back when movie posters actually required a bit of work and talent to create? Nowadays they just slap an actor’s big head up there and go to print.

Exhibit 1:

Art:

Not:

This one gets bonus Suck Points for being confusing in addition to totally visually unappealing. Tell us, movie marketers, why did you need to emblazon the plot across Sir Anthony Hopkins’ head in such GIANT FONT that we are not sure what the movie is actually called? Is it “Fracture?” or is it “I SHOT MY WIFE.” ? This is such an abuse of movie marketing privilege. I’d like to go back in time and recreate the poster art for “The Fugitive” with “I DIDN’T SHOOT MY WIFE. THE ONE ARMED MAN DID IT!” emblazoned across a giant Harrison Ford head. Or let’s redo “The Sixth Sense” with “I SEE DEAD PEOPLE AND YOU ARE ONE.” across that little kid’s face.

What ever happened to phones that sound like bells?   Now they only tell me one thing–I’m going to have a headache from all the racket.  Fellow browser, I am not in the historical fiction section to hear ‘Buy U A Drank’.

Parents–the only thing that can ruin a Harrison Ford movie premiere is your baby.  

This morning on La Brea two kids walked out right in the middle of the street instead of using the designated cross walk. “Get out of the way!” I yelled, “Get out of the way!!”

Me and Janet went to the bar last night and the music was so loud and noisy. It smelled like an ashtray–it obviously hadn’t been sanitized since the ban. Some rowdy drunk kids were hollering loud words all the way across the bar instead of just standing next to each other. One of the beer glasses was spotty and had obviously not been cleaned thoroughly. I couldn’t believe how expensive the specialty mixed drinks were!

We saw so many people dressed in black for it to be late spring already.

Tonight I went to a rock and roll concert and there were no seats, only people standing too close to each other. One woman smelled like feet, underneath all the sage, and then a young couple pushed right in front of me so I couldn’t see and started kissing and being otherwise inappropriately affectionate for the duration of the show.

My back hurts.

test.